How to not care what people think and Start Living for Yourself
Very recently I was casually watching a video of the spiritual leader of Tibet, Dalai Lama on Youtube when suddenly his words had all of my attention. He says ‘ It does not matter what anyone calls you. He may call you a good person or a bad person, but what matters is your own motivation for thinking which should always be honest and sincere ‘.
‘If a person has all the world’s praise for you, then you must think that there are others also in the form of your critic and if someone criticizes you, you must immediately think about the existence of those people who praise you, by doing this your life will always be happy’.
What a wonderful speech! I murmured in my thoughts. When we were young, whenever we used to commit something wrong, our elders instead of blaming our actions, used to blame us as if we were bad and it was never about our actions. Doing something wrong made us wrong and doing something badly made us bad and thus we developed a serious issue with rejection.
We started developing a serious issue with disapproval and negative reaction because our self-esteem was still dependent on someone else’ approval.
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs says that the need for love and approval is only secondary to the need for shelter, food, and water. With no disrespect to Maslow, but what I believe is that love and affection is actually the higher need. When a person is devoid of love, he/she tends to neglect the need for survival completely and in some extreme cases, they also commit suicide.
Have you ever wondered why do we allow other people to affect us? You know what? Majority of us face a common problem and the problem is we are all people pleasers.
We will always be a prisoner if we don’t stop caring what people think of us and we will be held back. We will be always paralyzed about other people’s opinion on ourselves and we should never give a Damn about it.
Let’s get straight into the action points which we should take to stop giving a damn about what others say and do what we want to do and start living a carefree life.
14 Steps on how to not care what people think
# Don’t Allow the ‘What iffs’ to Haunt you
How to stop caring? Pick 1 thing you have been wanting to do for a long time and break that pattern. It can be anything like going on a solo trip or changing your career or even proposing your best friend I say just do it! You just need to break the pattern through action and stop worrying about the consequences.
We all have 1 life and we waste it by worrying for someone we don’t even care about is certainly a waste.
# Believe in your Ability
Someone once remarked on the famous Plus Size supermodel Ashley Graham that she could never get featured in the bottom pages of a magazine forget about the cover page. But proving her wrong, the supermodel had this amazing belief in herself and her ability to make big. In the era of size zero, Ashley Graham has made a niche with a plus size figure and got the recognition she deserves. She always believed that there is a beauty in a curvaceous plus size body and she need not shed them to become a supermodel.
How to stop caring? Hell yes, she made it with her belief because she had a firm faith in her ability.
# People are entitled to an opinion
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and there will always be someone giving us their views and thoughts and we cannot change that. One’s like is another’s dislike and that is how it works.
Stop giving a damn about people’s opinion and do what you want to do.
# Stop Comparing Yourself
You see an Instagram feed and say to yourself WOW! This person has a cool fucking life with a great house and a car with lovely clothes and a beautiful body without any problems in life. Even I used to think the same and once even shut down from all social media due to this but one day I realized people never post their problems on social media and always show us the sunshine aspect of it.
Do not be fooled. We all have our Shits, all of us.
Comparison is the thief of joy. If you have a role model whom you look up to in life sure go ahead but don’t get too attached comparing the results of your role model and yours.
The only result you should be comparing is the result of you being better than you were yesterday, last week, last month or even 1 year ago. Everyone is different and everyone can win. You are born UNIQUE and it will always be your plus point.
So be you and focus on developing you. If others win their race that is great ! we all are here to support each other Hang on there! your day will come.
# Define your own Happiness
Invest in yourself and evaluate what will make you happy when you are 25 years old? 35? or even 55? If not then stop living the life of someone else.
What a wonderful message given by once a monk, motivational and public speaker and also a host ‘Jay Shetty’ in one of his videos. He says, once, in a class, a teacher asks her students to come up to the board and write what do they want to become in life. Some wrote doctor, someone wrote astronaut, some wanted to become a teacher when all of a sudden the teacher noticed that one of the boys wrote down the word ‘ happy ‘. She immediately asks the boy that he has misunderstood the question. On this, the boy replied that ‘miss I think you have misunderstood life‘
Somewhere down the lane, our definition of success has become all about money. We have corporate professionals and the corporate hierarchy of promotions and career enhancements that measures our success.
We measure our success by the size of our bank balance and not by the size of our heart. We always think about what we want to do but we do not think about what we want to be.
# Avoid Pointless Arguments
How to stop caring and giving a shit? Stop getting yourself into unnecessary arguments. Some people just love to argue and most of them are stubborn and we should ignore getting into an argument with such kinds of people.
Instead, save your energy for better things. When you argue with stubborn people you will end up getting frustrated because the other person justs want to win in every argument.
# Realise Nobody Gives A fUCK about you
We must not care what people think for a reason that nobody cares about what you do and how you do it. We live in a constant state of worry about the consequences of our actions that we forget the people we are so much concerned for, dont bother about our feelings.
# Develop a Strong Confidence
To develop strong confidence we must get rid of negative people from our lives. Negative people have a problem with every solution and they are going to suck a good amount of positivity from your life.
To develop strong confidence you must keep feeding your brain on a regular basis. Read books, get to know the life history of famous people, and if you are one of those kinds of guys who hate reading, then there are Podcasts for you.
Work on your body and take a step each day for the well being of your body. Maybe it is in the form of some kind of healthy diet or joining a gym, do something good for your body and trust me this thing is going to give you tons of confidence in return.
Start helping others daily and when you do that, positive energy will start showing up and eventually will make you feel great.
# Even Gods are Criticized
Every minute of yours spent on criticism shifts your focus from your goal. Remember, if nobody criticizes you, you are probably doing it wrong. They never criticize mediocre people and just remember, when you are being criticized take that as a compliment.
On being criticized, sit down and learn from the criticism by analyzing the reason behind the criticism and check if there is anything needs to be fixed from your part.
Feel blessed if you have a critic in life.
# Do You Trust Yourself?
Always ask this whenever in doubt. You must never be offended by anyone when you believe that whatever you are doing is not wrong and the day you start doing this, you will stop caring what people think about you and you will start living life on your own terms.
# We worry about people’s judgment by default
We all were born without knowing fear and we grew up while acquiring so many fears and being judged by others is one of them. It is a learned fear however we can overcome this fear by judging ourselves really well.
# Find Your Tribe
Life becomes easier when you hang around with like-minded people. Pen down the traits you look for in your best friend and when you have done that, analyze whether do you have all these traits in you in the first place? If not then start to work on your missing trait.
Start mingling with new people and don’t hesitate in making new friends as then only you would have a chance to find people you would like to mix up with. But it isn’t that easy, is it? I can understand how difficult and creepy it is to suddenly start mingling with more people and going to social gatherings more often. So what is the best solution to this??
One of the best way to find your tribe is through Instagram . When i say instagram, I dont mean to say you start spying on the profiles of people you like but there is a way to it. Make use of the #hashtags that are relevant to your traits. For instance, if you are into fitness, search by using #fitness, if you like sports, use #athlete. Then start following those people and slowly and gradually try to build up a relation. Trust me i have tried this method and out of 30 followers, i have got a positive feedback from atleast 10.
# At the End of the Day Your time is limited!
Life is short to worry about these silly things and we must not waste our precious time bothering about people who don’t deserve our attention. Get out there and ignore the noise. Start doing things without worry and you will see life will be so much better.
# Even if you are WEIRD stay weird
We already have so many mimics around us and the world surely doesn’t need another right? Feel proud if you are different from the rest because gradually people start getting fond of those who are unique and has something different to offer.
Do let me know in the comment section below which step you have taken and how did it help you to stop caring what people think and give a damn about it!
Do not forget to share with your Tribe if you like this article 🙂